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Sunday, March 15, 2009

Build it and they will come...home again for the summer...

As the academic year winds down, your son or daughter may be headed home for the summer. Excited? Nervous? Worried? Relieved? All of these feelings are perfectly normal and are to be expected. Your college student is probably experiencing the very same feelings in anticipation of returning to the nest for the summer. It's important for both of you to talk honestly prior to arrival about each of your expectations for the summer break, since each of you may have very different expectations of how time will be spent. Your college student may want to relax, sleep, take it easy, catch up with old friends and keep the same schedule as they did when they were at KU. You may want them to have summer employment or an internship, assist with household responsibilities, take care of younger siblings and fit into the same schedule they did prior to leaving home. It's easy to see how conflict can occur. The most important thing is to listen to each other and find some common ground.

Tips to ease the transition back home for the summer:

1.Expect your child to have changed. He or she has been exposed to different ways of thinking, new ideas and alternative beliefs. Be interested in your child's new culture. Ask them questions about it without sounding like you're holding an inquisition.

2.Expect your household to have changed. By removing one person for ten months, your family dynamics have changed. Younger siblings may have assumed the "oldest child" role, and responsibilities and expectations for everyone have changed. Even your parenting style may be different as a result of a year apart.

3.Allow for a period of readjustment for all. Be patient and allow time for your college student and yourself to adjust to your "new family." Try to keep lines of communication open for everyone. Hold regular family meetings to encourage communication.

4.If you have to set limits, give clear explanations. Conflicts over use of the family vehicle, curfew and household responsibilities are common struggles. Again, setting clear limits and expectations are the key.

5.Find other parents with college children returning home, so you can act as a sounding board for each other. You are not alone.

6.Keep a sense of humor and know that there will still be times of joy and family harmony.

Enjoy your summer and your time with your student! Before you know it, they'll be back at KU for another year.

Look for another edition of the On the Same Page in Fall 2009.